I'm scared to death.

You know when you meet someone and you think "how did i ever live without them"
and then you get to know them and it becomes " I could never live without you"?
I've felt that way about a few people in my life,
my first best friends I had in high school, My sister who leaves in Germany, my grand-father, my brother when he ran, when he came back and when he left, the three girls I use to spend everyday with. But none of them are here anymore and I'm still breathing. I didn't think I would get through losing those people, but I did.
Then, just about a year ago, I met the people I consider my life. then a few months later, nick left.
God that was fucking hard.
I don't know how long Annie stayed in bed with me, she made me eat when I hadn't done so in days, got me good and TRASHED when I needed to be and gave me all the love she had, without asking for anything in return. This girl came to fucking camp with me, she put up with the bullshit and the drama, just so that we could enjoy some peace, some beauty, in the small moments we got together.
This is the person who has giving me everything. She trusted me with all of herself and
I fucking let her down.
I fucking dissapointed her.
I hurt her.
She told me to be happy, To take what I need. We're still here, we're always gonna be us.
God knows you love someone when they let you keep what is breaking they're heart.
Am I suppose to let her let me have this? No I shouldn't. It's out of the question.
The question shouldn't even exist.
But that question is the one that has been inside my head the whole time.
Isn't that clear enough for you Kailey? Should I scream at myself to understand?


You don't have the keys to my place anymore. That what hurt most and it hurt when you told me and it hurt on the bus ride home and it hurt when I sat down and it's hurting and hurting and hurting.
I wanna crawl into bed with you, hide from everything and everyone.
But you can't come home, can you? I'm sorry I took so much from you,
I've taken way to much from you.


I would say all kinds of beautiful things to let you know how much you mean to me,
but you know, I hope you know.
But I think the best way to say it is
I love you
I care about you
I miss you
I'm scared to death about losing you, If you leave I can't breathe.
you are my lifeline.