Pour a little salt, we were never here

Eyes wide mind open heart hidden

An entire wall is covered in pretty words that make up ugly thoughts.
I believe writing down and pinning up everything from my mind onto my walls will stop me from thinking so much.
I am wrong.
Thoughts trail on and words linger in the corner of my mouth.
2AM. Under covers with music just loud enough to hear.
I'm thinking now,
I'm thinking about what could happen,
what I could say,
how to say it.
Even with it planned and organized, I lie to myself;
"I'm ready for any situation."
I know when the time comes my heart will race, my breathing will quicken.
My mind will be blank.
I'll forget everything I wanted to say, everything I wanted to share.
A quarter of the planned words will escape my mouth,
and it will be left at that.
Making me feel inferior, stupid, quiet.

"My first memory of this place is right here.
My father lifted me up and place right on top, where we are now.
Everything seemed bigger. I made plans to run away sometimes and come sit here, i never dared though, just childish wishes.
Either way, on the first day i sat here, i was invincible.
Feeling tall and stronger than the rock I claimed as my own
My father, the best person I knew, lifting me up high, bringing me to the top.
This is how I will live."

At 5 years old, it's hard to believe I could manage a thought that way.
Knowing how I should live my life and who I should look too.
Funny how things change and never work out.
Although the rock I claimed remains strong,
I am weak.
As it keeps it's rightful place,
I do not.

I'm not sure why I forget my place when I look back on this memory.
I guess i feel a sense of loss, in the way that I'll never be able to go back.

I won't ever sit on that stone and feel the way I did when I was 5.
Funny how things change and don't work out...